Thursday, 27 October 2011
So...its been a while...I know!! In fact, its been QUITE a while! It likely feels much longer for me than any of you, but it doesn't change the fact that its been a wee bit of time since I last did any writing. And I do mean ANY writing at all. Its a long story why its been a while, and not really that interesting for any of you,filled with MANY of my insecurities, and ALL of my self-pity, and a whole lot of over-super-sensitive-not-as-thick-skinned-as-I-thought crap! Turns out, I am far too personally involved in something which quite obviously rubs some people up the wrong way, and I don't do too well at handling it. My issue, MY problem.
Anyway, I got to thinking about myself, (just in case any of you thought that I wasn't self-centered and vain, the proof is now in writing for all to see, I THINK ABOUT ME), for the last wee while in relation to writing. As it turns out, I like the thought of being someone with controversial ideas and thoughts. I like the idea of beginning a debate which will stir people up, and get them thinking. In my head I picture myself as a strong, independent, confident and vocal woman with specific views and ideals, who doesn't care what others think about it all.
My question is, why is it that I am so bothered by it all? Despite peoples comments, despite their disagreement, I do know what I think and believe about stuff. I also know the reasons I have ended up with these thoughts and beliefs. And I am ok with my thoughts and beliefs about things. Sure, I don't think I am perfect in any of it. I know that I have a whole lot of crap which influences a lot of what I believe. I also know that I have been through a whole lot of healing, and have a lot of good stuff that I think as a result, too. Peoples disagreements
Well, maybe the obvious...I am too insecure to be putting myself out in a public forum. I am not strong, or thick-skinned enough. I should keep my writing as more like a diary. But unfortunately, I am stupidly extreme. I wouldn't just write for myself. Isn't that the point of writing? To share it? I enjoy it. I love putting my thoughts down, cos trust me, there a whole lot of them crashing around in my head. And annoyingly, I like to put it out there. I love that people would bother to take the time to read what I write. I love that people might think about what I have been thinking about...whether loving or hating it. I love to know that people think the same, and that people think differently. And despite it pushing all my
Well, whatever the reason, I am over my tantrum...for today...and am taking baby steps back into writing.
But really...am I the only psycho on the planet, or do we all have schizophrenic relationships with something we do?
NB: Please know, if you have disagreed with my blogs, and commented that disagreement in the past, do not think this is about you, or that I am picturing you being boxed within an inch of your life, while writing this! *wink* I have truly appreciated hearing your thoughts, and would hate you not to do so in the future as a result of this blog! I am simply sharing my stupid issues, and they're not anyone else's problem. Please know that I don't mean to put off or offend anyone!